#but yada yada yada be the change you want to see in the world

[kongkhoi]

sorry for being an insufferable weebshit loser but i need this

[werezmastarbucks]

U N10

U N7 masterlist 5/14

word count: 3951

you often see him from the back. even though you have to look Yoongi in the face, sometimes very intently, you actually mostly know him from the back. the amount of times you silently follow him with your gaze builds up to thousands. it's much less stressful than being in direct contact with him. you know the shape of his wide shoulders. the upper part of his body constantly changes; muscles and limbs agile and used to reshaping. when he keeps up his gym routine, he gains the form quickly, and then goes on a diet and loses it just as quickly. you know his ass, which is quite famous. Yoongi was naturally granted with several envy-enducing features although he doesn't appreciate them much. his body is very obedient to him, it supports him well and changes into something he needs at the moment. and looks good all the while. even though he stoops a lot, like he has the tall guy syndrome. you know his strides, he has three: old man walk, swaying from side to side, moving his feet robotically when he's sleepy. the angry rapper walk, swinging hips, moving the shoulders from left to right, when he's Suga. and the casual stringy walk, Yoongi the basketball fanboy walk. it's the best one. he has it when he's happy. doesn't drag his feet but instead his knees bounce, and he always has that curvy line for a mouth, a careful and timid smile of delight. and everything is fine in the world.

you see him from the back mostly and in your dreams he is very often turned away from you. even though you have no problem communicating with him, and know his face. it's the essence of your position. the back of his head is your view. fluffy, glimmering locks dyed a new colour every month. often his hand slides down and ruffles it, helping himself to think. his arms swing like tree branches. he's a funny guy, not elegant at all. he doesn't have the magnitude of Jimin who draws everybody's eyes when he walks into the room, or the dominance of Namjoon who fills the space. but he has that natural swagger that sends the good vibe around. Yoongi the chill guy, crunching his nose. the wish-wish of his steps. his hands support the low of his back and he shifts the weight, putting one foot aside. you know all of his movements. does anybody at all observe you so closely, ever? it's pathetic. it's a good thing people can't read minds, you'd be embarrassed all day, every day.

you throw your head back and close your eyes when you see too many half-naked guys with the hair like Yoongi's. most of them are more muscular. Yuri is delightfully disinterested: she has the best meal at home. he's got one Yakuza arm and the dancing skills of an assassin.

"you heard Jungkook's new song?" she asks.

you draw the towel over yourself and wipe your belly, then feel for the bath robe on the nearby sunbed. the room is loud. the noise of the water crashes off the walls, creating cacophony. did you really have to go to a spa on a Saturday.

"yeah? it's so jazzy, i liked it. he's so sweet, Yuri".

"he's too shy to tell you what's it about?"

you raise your eyebrows in question and start searching for the robe with your eyes open now. you can't find it.

"didn't someone else write it for him?"

"yes, but at his request. he said sometimes he gets very sad about something, and he really wanted to express it".

Yuri has a perplexed expression on her face, mixed with something else. she watches you as you stand to check if you're not sitting on your robe.

"i lost the damn thing".

"you know, it's the first time i almost feel jealous".

you finally look at her:

"what's it about? isn't it, about, love?"

"it's about you and Yoongi".

the gaze of her eyes makes you uncomfortable and you fold back on the sunbed. your brain recalls the lyrics, although while listening to music, you always focus more on the melodies. something about the rain, and how Jungkook doesn't wanna let go, and how he waits to hug someone, and yada yada yada. it is a beautiful song, though. a little blue, a little sparkling. Jungkook sounds very tender on it.

"what do you mean?"

"he ships you two so hard, but it's not what's bothering me".

"oh baby".

"he speaks about it so often..."

you comb your hair to ground yourself. Jungkook hasn't gotten good beating in a while, you see.

"Yuri, you know we are very good friends. it's annoying to me, too, how he is so passionate about something that's none of his business".

she nods and then cranes her neck to you, trying to reach out.

"i think he writes fanfiction about it in his mind".

you both giggle and leave it be.

you think it is going to be much harder to listen to that song again. for instance, you barely ever listen to any of Yoongi's solo songs. his ache hits too close to home. that must be the very core, very initial reason why you fell for him. the expression of an artist who cries on stage. it's too much. his speaking voice is bad enough, you can rarely handle the singing voice. you do appreciate the labour but it doesn't mean you need to immerse yourself in it.

a guy approaches you. the first thing you always notice is the slant of the eyes. you search for Yoongi's eyes in everybody. one monolid, one double lid. nobody has eyes quite exactly like his, although some are closer than others.

this one is nothing like Yoongi, he looks buffer, walks more confidently. he holds your robe in his hand, you realize.

"sorry", he bows respectfully and the part of your brain that processes information tells you it looks hot in theory. the muscles in your stomach are relaxed.

"i think you forgot it at the mineral basin".

"oh, i have been looking for it".

you stand up and accept the robe with both hands. you have no idea how old he looks. majority of hot guys today are already younger than you and it's depressing.

"i have been watching you, i admit, and saw that you left it behind".

Yuri snickers behind your back and drops her chin. he has a well-defined jawline and very expressive, narrow eyes. he looks Japanese and has the accent. you put on the robe quickly and dive into the soft safety of the cloth.

"thanks".

"i searched the pockets but didn't find your number there".

Yuri can't contain a yelping giggle like she chokes on his words. she is the worst liar and the worst spy. it's amazing she can keep secrets at all. one of those people with subtitle faces.

"your friend probably thinks i'm hot, because she's blushing".

he stares into your eyes intently from above. taller than Yoongi. flirts heavy. you finally chuckle and turn back to her.

"she is married though".

"that's okay. are you single?"

"no", you blurt out before you can think. you haven't thought of yourself as occupied, dating. but you're not available, either. it takes a second for you to remember that you were meaning to date. Yuri kicks your knee from behind so sharply that you completely fumble and almost fall - right into his arms.

"oh she's a liar. she's single", she says. the guy is holding you by the shoulders as you are pressed against his bare chest for a moment.

you curse at her without holding yourself back. the guy walks away with your number. you know nothing, absolutely nothing will come out of it, but you promised yourself to try. even if it feels completely wrong, you need to make a start. the start is the difficult part, and then your brain will come round. for god's sake. it's pathetic.

the spa doesn't have the force pulling enough to relax you but the fuck that the Japanese guy gives you is different enough, rough enough to set a mind straight for some time.

you come to work with the timer of no sex wiped clean to see if things change. it feels like you do it out of spite while you should be doing it just because you want to.

"how was it?"

"disgusting. it was disgusting and dull. it was like nothing, like cheating".

"who are you cheating on?" Jimin asks ironically. his doll face wrinkles.

"i wonder who there is to cheat on". he curves his palm over his eyes like he's searching for something. the kitchen is empty. he goes so far in this circus performance as to open the door and look out into the studio.

"hello? nobody. who are you cheating on, bitch?"

you look at him darkly.

"it just feels wrong".

"if it feels wrong, you need to try with someone else. believe me, good sex clears the mind, whether it's right or wrong".

you watch his face with a growing smile.

"somebody's having fulfilling sex".

he nods and his long earring dangles funnily.

"yeah. plenty".

"you're still thinking about the wedding?"

"i am shopping for the ring".

it sounds serious. you are too unsure to talk him out of it and not certain whether it's still your place to warn. he seems happy. tells really cool stories about her. like she's a nurse. insanely cute. can shoot a gun. maybe you should take this at the face value and just be happy, without overthinking.

"does she have handsome male friends?"

Jimin studies you for some time.

"with a monolid?"

he frowns like you said something perverse.

"yeah, no. i am not gonna be a part of it. having sex with guys just because of a monolid".

you like making him uncomfortable. Jimin's lips press together painfully, and he shrinks his shoulders like a child. it's funny.

"one monolid, one double".

he opens his mouth in ache.

"stop it".

"about a hundred and seventy four".

you tease him at your own expense until he starts fighting you off.

"do you not regret it, at least?" he asks.

"no. but i'm not sure i wanna repeat. felt nothing, just friction".

Jimin seems satisfied enough. he's been more mature lately. you look at each other from time to time and grapple with the fact that the late night slumber parties and falling asleep in the same bed have come to an end. it's been a good run and Jimin definitely managed to heal the most goo-producing, blood-gushing wounds of yours.

now that he has someone, does he think you're pathetic? you wouldn't be surprised. but his hands are still very warm when he embraces you. he stil meowls when he puts his head on your shoulder, smelling like hairspray. he doesn't hold the hug for quite as long as he used to, but that's what friends do, who don't have unspoken confessions weighing on them.

you go on a couple more dates and don't care if Yoongi knows about it. maybe Jungkook mentions it casually to him, you can see him do that, employ the cheap manipulation to catch a reaction. you're the unwilling beneficiary of his cupid services. he supplies the guys this time: one is a producer and the other is a friend from outside of his idol reality, something like a childhood buddy. you have a disastrous date with him and are scared that you'll run into him again at a social gathering. he keeps speaking about what he wants in a girlfriend and you make it clear you have no idea why you're having this conversation.

"i'm not about to date you just yet", you say.

"why'd you come then? why meet at all?"

you smirk and tell him to take it easier. no need to make plans at a first dinner. but he's one of those. his chin drops onto the collar of the buttoned-up Nohant shirt.

"you're at the age when you should think seriously about a family. you already display the signs of aging".

your eyes crawl up to the space above his head. the left part of your mouth pulls up.

"are you out of your damn mind, you little, square, stupid man?"

Youngchul's face hardens. it's tiring, analyzing his expression. the only attractive part of him is the hair anyway, and you can see it's been curled. the slick bangs on the forehead cannot mask the utterly tedious existence he wants to offer you. days full of cleaning the apartment while he's selling cars. the audacity of him saying you should do something when he hasn't commanded a single dopamine cell in your brain is on the verge of homicide-provoking.

"you don't speak to me like that. i am paying for the dinner and i am older. Jungkook said you're a delight and beautiful, and you're none of these things".

"i am paying for dinner, you pathetic puppy", you stand up, the wide smile twisting your face. frankly you find people like him entertaining. Seoul is full of men like him. fishing the market for goods. setting their own conditions immediately. thinking they are reading you like an open book. Youngchul stands up as well, resolved not to let you leave and pay. you have a very vague idea about how much he earns but, knowing the culture these men are living in, it's doubtful you're much richer than him. he wouldn't go for it. they usually interest themselves in the financial matters and decide if they can handle the girl. you must look like you're easy to handle.

"sit your ass down or i am going to scratch your face", you warn. Youngchul's cheek twitches. his pants look like they become too tight. guys in this city have a kink for submissive women who act cute. but you also notice the opposite thing being true: you get rude with them once and they can't stop thinking about you. maybe they dream about punishing you for it. his expression changes.

"fine. you wanna get out of here once you pay?"

you nod.

"yeah. i'll go home, you can fuck off".

there were once two people in your life before Yoongi you thought you loved. one of them was a girl. you barely remember the features of her face now. comparing your feelings was another exercise that you found useful. as if another pain could cancel the Yoongi pain. what is the real love, how is it supposed to feel? is it the longing in your body that makes it slower, as if your feet are caught in a quagmire? is it the desire to hold their head in between your palms, covering the ears to protect from the noise of the world? is it the neverending haunting dreams about holding their hand? is it the flooding feeling of relief and excitement when you catch their eyes? is it the pain itself? those two cases of love felt like two highways beginning in the same place but separating with time. nothing compared with Yoongi, really. but remembering the times when you didn't know him was a kind of a solace for you. there was once time when your life lacked him, and you were utterly unhappy. the dark winters, short days, forgettable people. it all started with Jungkook. when you saw his funny, handsome bunny face at the bar in Prague. his eyes searching the space drunkenly. he got away from his bodyguard in a fit of naughty mood and was having fun, shooting darts. you were buying cider for yourself at the bar counter because the shops were already closed at that time of night. you spotted him; who wouldn't? Jungkook is the star at the center of every system. manufactured by gods themselves to attract. probably because he was never the one person for you, the scenario now seemed almost fairytale-ish, wattpad level of coincidence. he caught your eye and smiled. you couldn't hold the laughter inside of you. seeing him anywhere, whether it's the screen of your phone or a bar, was always delightful. he was drunk enough and bored enough to approach you. instant connection. you blinked at each other with those huge stupid eyes and he asked what you are drinking. the rest was history. his hands on your hips. you dragged him across the streets under the feeble autumn european rain, watching his hair get wetter and wetter, like you kidnapped him. he walked behind you, holding your hand like an obedient puppy. maybe it was the tight jeans or the youthfullness of six years ago, but he was hooked.

then you locked him up in the room with your best friend and went back to the bar to spend the night and give them space.

it all happened like it was a story you wrote. luring him in like a siren to his death. only, it came together so beautifully, so precisely. you thought, well, Jungkook now has to pay me back.

that's what he's been trying to do this whole time.

his big tapioca eyes are blinking at you as he's looming.

"i am really sorry though. i had no idea he's like that".

you shrug. he puts his hands on his hips and pops one, like he's suspecting there are tiny photographers in the cracks in the walls, snapping his pictures.

"how am i gonna be friends with him now?"

"we aren't your parents, you know", you mutter. he takes it too seriously sometimes.

"do you mind?"

Hoseok's face is all wrinkled, brows high with irritation as he stares Jungkook down. staring him down usually does nothing. the only person who is intimidating to this guy is himself.

"i am trying to study. it's my lesson. i am stressed enough as it is".

"speak English, please", you remind him, to no avail.

"do you... wanna meet Mingyu?"

you check if Hobi is livid yet. he's just irritated for now. can't grasp the evidence feature of present perfect continuous. one of the most challenging topics in your opinion.

"seriously, Jungkook, sometimes you are very disrespectful", he scolds gently, the voice changing a little. he looks like a middle-aged man who's been selling horse radish at the market all his life. Jungkook reacts a little bit, the maknae part of his mind tugs on the nerves of his brain.

"yes, just a second. Mingyu", he addresses Hoseok now, to involve him, "you remember him?"

"from Seventeen?" Hobi asks.

"yeah. he's my age, but he's very tall", Jungkook switches to you again, "he's the tallest guy i know".

you massage your fists, looking at them both.

"i don't know. i don't think this whole dating thing works. i just feel dirty and messy".

Hoseok shrugs.

"don't force it".

"plus, i don't wanna go out with an idol".

Jungkook is about to fold in half. you realize the irony, yes, but it's different.

"i will smother you one day", he mutters. with that, he finally leaves the room to bother someone else. the recordings started so now you spend a lot of time at the studio in the middle segment of the building because the boys want to study without moving at all. grey soft walls like in an asylum. sometimes it does feel like it, too. Yoongi practically lives here and sometimes he produces sounds very similar to what you can hear at the place where people go through mental anguish.

the memory of that one person you used to love doesn't let you rest. it's like all of the uncertainty got rekindled all of a sudden, provoked by the change of seasons. you used to ache for her, too. you used to wait for her with the breathing caught in your throat and listen to music that reminded of her. you used to look out the window of the bus, watch the city running parallel to you, and wonder. you used to contemplate rejection and when it was handed to you, you accepted it with your arms falling weakly to the sides. maybe going home and reliving all those horrible days could give you an insight on your new spring love.

all of a sudden you feel determined to get your shit together. nothing is more important than that. the shudder your whole being goes through as you see Yoongi is just a backdrop against the mind of yours. you need to get away from him. maybe you need to get away from Korea and all these people who make you so happy that it feels tiring. you want to love someone who you can tell about it. somebody you're not afraid to speak to.

in the middle of September you hand in the resignation letter and Bang stops in his tracks with surprise.

"what?"

he doesn't accept it. you're doing too well, you know it. you know you don't really want to quit but you're on this highway, flying towards some decision you don't even see clearly yet, at full speed.

he wrestles with you, trying to find a compromise. what do you not like? the pay? you can get more. the apartment? there's one at a closer location. long hours? let's adjust the schedule. more discounts? bigger classroom? what do you want?

Min Yoongi. can you give him to me, Hitman? can you snatch him again and trick him again like you did almost twenty years ago, can you be that cool charming friend who drags him to my hotel room, drunk and infatuated with an idea?

you want to go home. Bang falls back into his chair with relief. holiday? why didn't you say something sooner? he also suddenly remembers all about the lazy, low-energy stalker you have. you got yet another bunch of flowers from him recently, delivered straight to your home, and didn't even bother to tell anybody. it was so inconsequential you threw away the whole thing without even reading the note.

Bang gives you a long holiday, explaining that he doesn't want to let you go as you are the glue. you energize people and raise their engagement. you make them happy, he says. you're the mood prostitute. you realize that your value is mainly founded on the fact that Bangtan Boys like you to death.

crushed by that, you leave the building, clutching the form in your fist. three months to sit out the winter. you'll be back by Jimin's wedding. if you come back at all. either this, or that.

you have no idea what you're doing but that one brave assistant inspires you. she must have been smarter than you because she knew where she would get if she elected to stay. so she just peaced out. the prophecy is gradually becoming realer. you love Seoul and its light breath. the polluted air and grey Han river. the pink and white streets and clean asphalt, messy Itaewon nights and neon lights of the Gangnam. the swaying skyscrapers, the feral rhythm of life and teeth-shattering competitiveness of the industry. you love being loved like you are. you love being in Jungkook's gloomy fortress when he runs around the house; people have no idea what a tight, incredible ball of happiness is contained there inside the black walls. you love your job and feeling useful.

you love the idea of the future that might never come about. the country house with a little garden, tangerine trees and Yoongi in a loose white shirt, flip flopping around, pushing his hair back. that future cannot be allowed to destroy you now, so you leave Korea to him.

you pass your students to another Hybe tutor only keeping Jimin because he refuses to change. he says, let's do online. you say you don't have the energy to see any of them. he replies, too bad. yet again, he simply refuses to lose you.

taglist: @ktownshizzle , @benyhime , @ryryvna , @amarawayne , @mar-lo-pap

[gor3sigil]

"But whyyyy did u transition if it's to be gender non comforming/still dress "like a girl"/not change your gender marker/yada yada"

Why ? Because I can. As privileged as it sounds, I want to show everyone that it's a path worth taking. Because I firmly believe that people should do whatever the fuck they want if it makes them more comfortable in their skin. Because I got told all my fucking life that my body didn't belong to ME, but to my future husband, to my parents, to society, and if I could eat back my freshly cut uterus you bet your ass I would. To show that I can cut up parts of myself and swallow them back if I PLEASE.

And you can too. You can choose for this path for yourself today, tomorrow, in 10 years, I'll be right there and I'll tell you "oh, nice to meet you !" If you want to start over or "nice to see you again" if you want to just go on. We can celebrate, we also can just smile and keep living like nothing has changed, whatever floats your boat, because I know that sometimes I felt like partying on a new birthday, sometimes I just wanted to feel like every thing was still in the same place has before. As I was changing, it was reassuring to see the world stay the same around me, like a steady floor I could jump on without it crashing down under my feet.

We're living scary times. But when I hear about the trans elders who came out in the 70s (thanks MardiPants for her testimonies), and see how few of them survived to tell their tales, I feel like we have wayy more ways to protect each other now than before.

So let's do it, okay ? Let's protect each other. And when I say that, let me be super clear: let's protect EVERYONE. If someone falls, we stop, and we help. We don't run ahead and expect people to catch up. If someone falls, we stay with them, and when they're up and ready to go on, then we walk together. This is the only way we'll ever make consistent, long-lasting progress, not the false victories that only benefit the Chosen Ones(TM). These victories aren't victories.

Take care of yourselves and keep a close eye on your community. Lend a hand if you can, when you can. Even if it's just one time, it can make a big difference.

[mycleven]

A sweet distraction..

Summary • she has her husband back, for now at-least, but at what cost? he’s quieter, more reserved and running on his inability to shut off, to sleep. Maybe all he needs is a sweet little distraction from his dame, and the hands he’s oh so greatly missed..

warnings/info • brief mentions of war, ptsd, 18+, handjob, horrible writing yada yada

“tell me gale, is it a distraction you’re craving?”

One week.

One measly week is all she’d have with her man, her husband, a year spent away, a year of worrying and yet all she’d gotten was one week, it wasn’t out of good conscience that she was even given the privilege of seeing Gale again, instead it was a silent plea.

Sort your husband out.

She should’ve known better than to expect him to be the same as he was before all of this, before he was sent away and so awfully ripped out of her hands, out of her life.

There was so many tiny thing’s different with him now, from his sullen slightly sunken eyes, to the shakes in his hands when he thought she hadn’t noticed, those plump lips she loves so much bruised and bloodied from the no doubt constant biting of the man in his worry.

Even still, with all the new little changes to him she saw that he was still hers, still the Gale Cleven she married, and she wanted to do right by him, be a good pliant wife like she was yearning to be.

But how do you be pliant to a man who hasn’t been there? hasn’t asked it of you?

She was not going to watch her marriage get run down to shreds because she didn’t try, she was going to get through to her husband, one way or the other, because she knew he needed her, even if he was too damn proud to say it

“Gale?..” her voice is quiet in the darkness of the room, eyes squinting in an attempt to adjust from the sleep she just roused from at feeling the emptiness beside her, the absence of her warmth.

Satin is pulled over her bare body as she sits up fully, goosebumps scattering across her skin at the light breeze coming in from the slightly ajar balcony door and her lips almost twist up in a small grin.

Bingo.

Quietly she makes her way over, feet softly padding against the hardwood floor that looks like it could definitely do with a few more coats of polish, soft hand reaching out to pull the door just a little bit more open so she can step out, and when she does there he is..

“Gale?..” She whispers out “honey?” she’s a little apprehensive at going over, not knowing wether or not he’ll go into another episode like earlier, clutching at his chest as if all the air in the world had been sucked away.

His eyes are focused on the city below, and she wonders if maybe he has a guilty conscious at knowing he’s probably dropped a few dozen bombs on a city just like this one.

“Couldn’t sleep, wanted to get some air” his voice is quiet, so quiet she almost misses what he says.

“baby..” she sighs, coming a little closer and tentatively reaching out her hand to settle on his arm, not missing the way he slightly tenses as if he wasn’t expecting the soft touch.

What had they done to him?

“Did i wake you?” he mutters out, gaze glancing at her for just a split second before looking away again and she fights off the urge to sigh, shaking her head

“Your absence woke me” she hums, quiet.

“Why don’t you come back to bed?..”

He shakes his head, shoulders slumping a little as he sighs, eyes glancing back at her and she feels her heart break just a little more at the sight of his heavy, darkened eyes.

“Couldn’t sleep, ‘s too loud, too many sounds. Needed to get up and move around. Couldn’t stay still any longer.” this poor boy, she thinks, eyebrows scrunching up a little in dismay as she sighs softly.

“Please, let me help you Gale..”

“Come back to bed..” she speaks slowly, like that of a mother coaxing her child to eat a vegetable they don’t like.

There’s a resistance there, a part of him yearning for the rest that will eventually come to him if he lays down, but the stubborn part of him just wants to stay here, in the fresh air where his mind isn’t a muddled mess

“I can’t” he murmurs “i’ll keep you awake.”

“I don’t care” She’s quick with her answer, almost cutting him off as she speaks “I don’t care because i want to be laying in bed and i want my husband next to me, whatever it takes.”

His hesitation wavers one final time, the decision finally made.

“…Okay. I just…” *He starts, words trailing off as he pauses to take a breath, shaking his head “Thank you.”

With that he turns and heads back inside, sitting down on the edge of the bed with a heaving sigh. His shoulders slump, clearly defeated. She could tell he’s exhausted - he looks it, most importantly she can tell by the bags under his eyes - but he can’t sleep. He’s been unable to sleep for days now.

“You don’t need to thank me..” she airily chuckles just a little, following behind him and making sure to shut and lock the balcony door before padding over to him, perching herself up behind him

Her hands raise, settling on his tense shoulders as she begins to push lightly, deeply, thumbs circling over the tense muscles in an attempt to soothe him

He tenses a bit at first, the feeling almost foreign after so long, before he slowly relaxes into her touch with a weak sigh. His shoulders slumping and his head tilting forward as her gentle hands work the muscles of his upper back, the tension already easing out of him.

His breathing deepens a bit, the movements of her hands lulling him into a relaxed state. His eyes slowly close, body relaxing, muscles finally loosening up a bit. He just relaxes into her touch, not speaking for a while, seemingly enjoying the feel of her hands on him.

Oh, how he’s missed his wife.

“There we go..” she hums as she carries on, satisfied in herself at seeing how much he’s enjoying this, her head tipping down to press a few light kisses to his neck

She fights back the urge to grin In premature victory when his head tilts back onto her shoulder, perfect lips parted as soft groans leave his mouth

“keep doing that..” his voice, gravelly and deep has her stomach fluttering in want, jolts following down to her core as she hits a specific spot that has a loud moan tumbling from his lips

“Tell me gale..” she leans just a little to whisper in his ear “is it a distraction you’re craving?..”

“Marlene..”

“Major.”

“please.” his voice is so quiet, so unlike the confident man she’s known for many years, bedded for many years.

“Tell me what you want baby, i’ll give it to you.” she whispers

“anything, god-please Marlene.”

She’s quick in her movements, settling in front of him as she backs him up against the headboard, smiling a little at how comfortable he gets against the pillows, her beautiful beautiful man.

He lets her practically manhandle him, rather enjoying the attention from someone other than Bucky pulling him about and maybe leaving a lingering touch a few places for far too long, not that he doesn’t love ‘im, hell he’d probably have gone insane without Bucky around

But Bucky wasn’t Marlene.

“You’re so pretty..” he smiles a little at her, legs widening a little so she can comfortably sit between them, her hands drifting to settle on his thighs and fuck-he can feel his cock hardening embarrassingly quickly

“Thank you” she hums before quickly slotting her hands into the waistband of his boxer shorts, pulling them down and she can’t hide the grin that settles on her face when she catches sight of his cock standing at attention for her, all pretty and leaking.

She wastes no time bringing her hand up to her mouth, lightly spitting in it before bringing it down to his dick, hand softly wrapping around it before moving with a few teasing tugs

“Fuck-Marlene” he breathes

She moves a little faster this time, finding a rhythm as she rotates her wrist when she comes up to swipe her thumb against the slit of his cock, chuckling at how he keens and bucks against her hands, it’s quite humorous for her actually.

Buck is bucking into her hand.

“jesus christ.” she watches as his eyes roll to the back of his head and she can’t help but feel satisfied with herself, after all it seems she’s still got it, leaning forward she presses a few kisses to his jaw, not halting her hand for a second

“Marlene.”

“Gale..”

“Shit-‘m not gonna last long” he mutters, practically whining into her mouth and she follows up with a sweet kiss to his lips

speeding up her hand she relishes in the moans tumbling out of his mouth and into her own, a mantra of her name falling from his lips as he keens and writhers against her touch

“Such a good boy for me Gale..” she whispers and he whines, twitching into her hand pathetically

“Marlene-fuck I can’t-“

She doesn’t even get a word out before he’s spurting out onto her hand, thick ropes of white painting her supple skin and dripping onto her fresh manicure, she can’t find it in her to care, he looks so beautiful like this..

His hair a mess, the slight sheen of sweat on his forehead clinging to a few strands of his blonde hair, eyes blown out but still drooping as he comes down, breath slightly heavy as his big hands come to paw at her sides

“Thank you, thank you..” he murmurs over and over into her lips and she smiles, kissing him sweetly before moving to clean up her hand, settling into bed with him as he shifts to pull up his boxer shorts again before perching his head onto her chest, listening to the steady beat of her heart.

Oh god, how he had missed her.

well shit here’s my first ever fic on here! (I’m so scared) if it’s awful I apologise, i wrote this at 3am after randomly getting a surge for an idea while listening to Lana Del Rey, ha ha

[slowlysoluminary]

after that wack-tastic piece of media i figured we could all!! use a break!!!!!!! so!!!!!!

(more) doodles below the cut. and some commentary! Hurray!

^^ Post game is interesting. Most of the timeloop is about figuring the deal with the memories, some of it is about sif comng to terms with the king, and the very very end of it is about everyone regaining their memories.

so i say it again post game is REALLY interesting!!! because everyone, collectively, is trying to balance their old memories and their new memories. everyone except siffrin. who is not 1:1 old siffrin but is the closest to it, considering how much loop's been through.

loop??? becomes corporeal at some point in the end.

it's very bittersweet! i think! the whole of the party does an "i want to remember!!!" sequence, fighting with their own minds to fill the gaping holes they'd always ignored.

-- loop, after realizing the extent to which they're familiar with the party, had tried desperately to get the party to remember them throughout the loops. in hopes that something would change. they never remembered.

at the same time, siffrin is talking to the king - they're fighting with eachother physically and verbally, desperately trying to get the other understand. resetfrin is not the siffrin the king hated so earnestly, not the siffrin he tried to snuff out.

over the course of many conversations with the king, siffrin caught on. the king is the major lore dump here and is who causes most of the narrative development because i say so !!!!!!!!!!!!

actually. about post game. do you know why their designs are like that

resetfrin hated the lack of autonomy he had over their own body so they decided to. cut their hair. it's a bit curlier now that there's not a lot weighing it down

they decided not to keep the star stuff the king gave them. yada yada character development or whatever.

they gave their cloak to loop!! who is. siffrin again. physically at least. both siffrins are siffrin but with clear differences! like hair length and hair texture! and ohhhhhhhh no what do you mean the universe gave them the wrong body?? what?????? how cruel!!! how blasphemous!!!!!!!

loop hated the idea of keeping her hair darkless (mirror pronouns for loop btw!!! remember that!!!). it reminded them of what it was like to be ghostloop. which they hated!!! but they couldn't have their hair be lightless because that was resetfrin's new thing, so... they just. kept dying the bottom parts of it lightless. it's a compromise

how does the party distinguish the two siffrins, name-wise? uhhhhhh. ask me that question later. idk.

if.... if i have pre-game planned out. and post-game planned out.

then the inly thing I don't have planned out is the ACTUAL time loop bit

it's quite daunting because? that's like the entire point of the original game? it feels like i hve to live up to so much and like fhe loops have to have such a packed, coherent story

though, to be fair, most of what I'm writing will just be. the time loop bit. so i guess I'm figuring it out as i go

anyway, actually talking about the two sketches above, ghostloop is for SIFFRIN'S EYES ONLY!!! she can hit things but things can't hit her and all that.

after figuring out, through past loops, that the King can't see them, they realized siffrin was their only connection to the physical world. The Last Piece Left of them, physically and metaphorically. the whole time they longed for something else to acknowledge their existence. acknowledge theyre real

they also realize they can do Fuckery

the king has a Sixth Sense for loop's Fuckery,,, flipping him The Bird resulted in a rather quick death for Siffrin. whoops!!!!!

this au is. more closely revolved around gloop than i thought. don't worry!! i have a lot of gloop content planned! but. but you need to understand the pain of resetfrin and the king. the misery snd desperation fhe king felt about his country. siffrin pleading with the king, countlessly, hoping to see some SEMBLANCE of the man he once knew. you need to know the missing pieces the party finds, a hollow feeling settling itself around their hearts. you need to know so bad.

so you'll get gloop content! i am a big fan of the little guy myself, really. but !!! this au is not ONLY about them, believe it or not! hehe. haha. giggles. ok ill stop

[woodlaflababab]

Thinking about Zuko's influence on the audience's perception of Aang, specifically in Book 1. I kinda touched on it in this post but that post is pure unsorted rambling in which I didn't get to delve as deep as I wanted. Anyway, the relevent part was:

"With this whole episode, it's just the fact that Zuko is the reason we first get to see just how fucking cool Aang is. It's so easy to be like the others in the show and see Aang for his childish antics and sweet nature, but Zuko is the one that consistently reminds us, “No, this is the Avatar. He's powerful, he's brave, he's fiercely protective, and he deserves respect and acknowledgment for that.”"

Like, I mean, the point is redundant, everyone knows they are foils, so I'm not saying anything ground breaking when I say Zuko is often the one who brings out the best in Aang and encourages him to embrace being the avatar and that a lot of Aang's strongest charater moments are because of Zuko, yada yada, okay, we know, zukaang meta 101, nobody wants to hear it

But also, Zuko's opinion of Aang is so interestingly different from everyone else's. We get a view of Aang from the pov of himself, in which we see his doubts and struggles, the pov of the gaang, through which we see his antics and improvement and flaws. We also understand the opinion of the Fire Nation abt Aang (pure threat that's weirdly small), and we get plenty on the different opinions of the rest of the world.

If you took out Zuko's reactions to Aang, you'd feel like you know pretty much all there is to know about Aang. But to Zuko, Aang is an ever present mystery. The gaang doesn't really question anything abt Aang except what he can do and the rest of their enemies don't care to know things about Aang

But Zuko does. To Zuko, Aang is a source of constant questions, and this is sometimes played as a joke (i.e. "He must be a master of evasive maneuvering." to "You have no idea where we're going, do you?") and sometimes it hits the very core of Zuko's being and changes the course of the plot, (i.e. The Blue Spirit)

Zuko is unique because, to everyone else, Aang is one of two things. A Hero, or An Threat. He is neither to Zuko.

Zuko has no desire to defeat Aang. Aang is not a Threat to him. Hell, as Iroh says, Aang actively gives Zuko hope. But Aang is also not a Hero or ally.

He is neither a protagonist or an antagonist in Zuko's story. He's a goal. And that's such a unique perspective that allows us to question who Aang is from a neutral standpoint. Who is this person who effortlessly escapes trouble while having no idea what he's doing? Who is this person who saves someone they defeated? Who is this person who looks at an enemy and says 'you remind me of my best friend'?

Who else makes us ask these questions?

Through Zuko we, or at least I, see Aang as more than a person, and more than a hero, but as this unconventional conundrum that defies expectation at every turn, baffling and beautiful. Aang is so much more than your conventional hero and nobody sees or shows us that more than Zuko.

My favorite way to look at Aang is through Zuko's eyes.

[heartlilith]

My Placements and How They Manifest

Capricorn Ascendent:

My mother told me that when she gave birth to me, it was worse than my other 3 other siblings by far. She had to be induced because there was no sign of me wanting to come out into the world (lol). She said she was in labor for hours and when I finally came out, she started hemorrhaging. It wasn't fatal obviously because she's alive today but yeah, I kind of associate that with my Capricorn rising. Still to this day, change is very uncomfortable for me especially if I have no control over what's happening. My childhood was great until my mom divorced my dad and remarried, that's when shit went south! I had new siblings, a stepfather, and had to see my dad heartbroken while also battling melanoma and being laid off (2008 recession). My sister stayed with him and I went with my mom. They were always fighting and spiting each other but it was my sister and I that missed out. It was always "what is your father saying about me?" yada yada yada. Growing up, I was bullied by my sister a lot, in my opinion, it was more than the usual sibling fights. My mom also took a lot of her anger out on me; she ended up getting a divorce not too long after remarrying, became an alcoholic and filed for bankruptcy. Being a Capricorn rising and dealing with the backlash of that, I always have money saved, ALWAYS. I'm like a squirrel hiding nuts I stg. If I'm completely broke I'm an anxious mess. It's also why I strive to be independent and self sufficient. It's why I manifest being filthy rich. High school was terrible tbh and I battled with depression and anxiety. College was a lot better and moving away from my mom and chaotic family did me well, I went from a 2.6 GPA in high school to 3.85 in college. Rereading this it sounds kinda like a sob story and that's not what I'm trying to accomplish so I'm just going to move on.

1st House Neptune, Uranus, Lilith:

I made a separate post either on here or Reddit about how my features have changed so much over the years. As a child, my hair was blonde then it turned blonde/red in late elementary school. Since then, it's turned darker and darker through the years. Now it's dark brown. My eyes were dark blue as a child and now they're light green - I attribute this to Uranus and Neptune being on my Ascendent. In my opinion, I'm not photogenic at all (Cap rising?) and I think I look different in every picture I take or is taken of me. With Lilith being in my first house, I was sexualized a lot growing up by older guys/men. And also bullied by boys my age; I remember they thought I was "too girly". Guys, I shit you not after I had enough of it, I started showing up with boy shorts and those tank tops guys wear HAHAHA to be more of a "tomboy"... I'm not really sure what that is but yeah, I must've been 10 or 12 or something. People would always say "it's because they have a crush on you/because they like you!" and I would be so confused. Nowadays, I think I rub some people, specifically men, the wrong way and they dislike me for "no reason", or maybe they have a reason but they never come out and say it. My Uranus in the 1st shows up as being quirky I guess? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's that my parents were never disciplinary at all, I could do whatever I wanted. At the time I loved it but deep down I think I wanted to them to care, so I would act more and more reckless. Today, maybe that sets me apart. One last thing about Neptune/Uranus in the 1st is that I can't stand to see people treating people/animals/or what have you, the wrong way. I can't even watch Youtube videos of animals starting off abused... even if the videos end with them being happy and healthy, I CAN'T DO IT. It deeply disturbs me.

Side Note (1st House Lilith):

As a small child I was obsessed with being naked all the time and skinny dipping LMFAO like it was a problem. Luckily there were no creeps and I was fine but would this placement indicate that in anyway? Let me know because it doesn't really fit with my Capricorn rising.

(I'm really sorry this post is so long and detailed I think I'm having word vomit)

Virgo Moon:

As a child I was really reserved and "chill". I already talked about my relationship with my mom and she was critical and whatever. One thing that sticks out about this placement is that she would always push the idea on me to "stay pure" and to "stay innocent", especially when I was a teen. Always pushing this on me. Always telling her friends I was "naive" and yeah maybe I was in a sense. I don't know it's weird how that fits. My mom wasn't all bad though. She definitely had many faults but she was a great mom in certain aspects. Growing up, I realized she's just a human like me, with problems of her own. I don’t hold it against her. Today, my Virgo moon makes me sooo anxious and worrisome. I definitely see the negative qualities it brings but the good qualities out weigh them. I love buying people gifts and I'm a great gift giver if I do say so myself. With my Capricorn rising and Virgo moon, I hate PDA and it can be hard for me to be lovey dovey (even with all my Leo), so I show love by buying gifts - kind of like my dad. My parents were never there for me emotionally but they bought me great gifts hahaha, I guess that's why. Also I tend to "mother" my partners; I do their laundry, do the cleaning, make their doctor appointments, and take care of them in a sense - like my mom did for me. Writing this out I can now see why I am the way I am lol.

Moon square Jupiter, Pluto, and Saturn:

Ooooff. Well I won't dive into it too much. I will say it affects my mental health greatly and I've had a lot of trouble in that department. My Moon square Jupiter really makes my moods go up and down. Like high highs and low lows for sure. I try to look at it positively even though it's hard sometimes. Having the high highs brings out my inner child (Jupiter in the 5th). When I'm happy I'm really happy and giggling and silly. And of course the flip side is low low :( But I like the high highs so I deal. Also with this, I tend to avoid being sad at all costs. All costs. I'm a true escape artist when it comes to emotions. With Pluto and Saturn squaring my Moon, I am infact a MOODY BITCH. LOL, hey at least I can admit it. It brings intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking, insecurity, and guilt with it too - all that great stuff. Moving on.

Cancer Mercury:

I like my Cancer Mercury a lot, even though it's paired with my all my Leo placements which can make me a ~smidge~ dramatic. I wasn't the best student in high school but I did take the hardest English courses they offered, which in hindsight saved my GPA lol. In college, I studied English with a concentration in creative writing. I mostly wrote and studied poetry which I loved so much. I'm a great listener and if I could write an advice column I would. I love how my Cancer Mercury makes me empathetic and how I'm able to put myself in anyone's shoes. One negative about this placement is that I get hurt easily (paired with Leo Sun and Virgo Moon esp), but I won't let you know I'm hurt, I'll just get angry and mean. I don't like that about myself and I wish I was more vulnerable in that aspect but it's easier to be angry than sad... right?

Leo Venus and Mars:

After talking about all the above placements, my Leo side is definitely my ray of sunshine in a way. I feel like with my Virgo Moon and the aspects it makes, it kinda settles my Leo ego. That's not to say I don't have an ego, I definitely do... just look at this post it's all about meee :) I have pictures of when I was 3-6 years old and flexing my muscles hahaha and I thought I was so strong I would go around and show everyone that I could pick my mom and older sister up. So weird. Other than that, when I dislike someone I tend to go on rant for awhile about everything I dislike about them. My least favorite thing is when someone makes me feel inferior or small, that will put me on 10 easily. I don't get mad all that much, it takes a lot but when I do get mad, I see red. Maybe cause I have Mars at 0 degrees. I do get over things quickly though, emotionally anyway, but I do hold a grudge. Also yesss, I have Leo hair. It's long and thick and hard to manage. Growing up, my mom would never let me color or cut it and I'm kinda glad now looking back on it.

8th house Moon & Venus:

This is why I hold grudges hahaha. In my opinion, the 8th house can be hard to understand/put into words until you experience it (in synastry, transit, natal, etc), then you just know. With Venus here, every person I'm romantically involved with transforms me but also takes a piece of me as well. In my experience with the 8th house, you can gain a lot of good things but it comes with a price. Whether its a mix of my placements or just these placements specifically, love really hurts! Break ups have put me in dark dark places. When I do love someone, I want to merge with them, like become "one" if that makes sense. So when it comes to an end, I have a huge hole left. In my life, this has manifested as when I ran away from home to a different state and ghosted my family and friends just to get back together with my boyfriend, all on a whim. I'd give it all up for someone I love. With Virgo Moon being in my 8th house, my anxiety mixes with my obsessive behavior which manifests as dermotillamania. I struggle with it so bad. I'm working on it but yeah that's kinda interesting looking from an astrological sense. Moon in the 8th house gives me great intuition though... I'm always right about the vibes. But this comes at the cost of feeling things extremely deeply.

Scorpio MC:

This is another placement that I like about my chart because my Capricorn rising makes me come off as intimidating and my MC makes people see me as powerful and mysterious. I don't know if people actually see me this way but even it being a possibility gives me like Olivia Benson vibes. I love her. Anyway, one thing I will say is I don't have social media anymore and haven't for years (besides Tumblr and Reddit) because I really value my privacy. I don't like people knowing things about me unless I decide to share it with them, even small things. Tumblr and Reddit are okay in my mind because I don't know anyone in real life. But even this post I'm already thinking of deleting and I haven't even posted it yet lol. When I did have social media, I would overshare and then delete the post an hour later. I was always deleting pictures and revamping my aesthetic. I became obsessed with likes and comments and scrolling that it was too much and I didn't like the power it had over me. Something else that I think manifests from my MC is that I love psychology, astrology, and things that tie into personalities.

5th house Jupiter & Saturn:

It always confused me on how to interpret having Saturn, the planet of limitations and responsibility, and Jupiter, the planet of expansion and luck, in the same house. I thought that they canceled each other out in a way, or level each other out... is a better way of putting it.  I actually messaged @astrosky33 and asked how they interpret it. Her (?) answer was interesting and made a lot of sense. Jupiter and Saturn in the same house gives off both energies at the same time (why didn't I think of that? lol). So for the 5th house, in terms of my hypothetical kids, I would be a parent that has fun and is silly but also strict in some ways and responsible. One way Saturn in my 5th house manifests is that I don't want to do anything creative unless I feel it's productive in some way, which I don't like about myself. Meaning, I don't want to read a book if the genre is fantasy, I would rather read non-fiction or a self help book; something that I can learn from. Also, I really like hobbies where I can produce something, like making candles or making spell jars. If I can make money from a hobby that I love then even better. Jupiter in the 5th house manifests as being child-like and also loving kids. If things are going well and I'm happy, then I can be excited and goofy like a child. If things aren't going well, then I can throw a tantrum like a child. I love kids because my early childhood was the best time of my life before life hit me upside the head (lol). This past Halloween, I made goodie bags for the trick or treaters and got so excited when the doorbell rang. I don't know, I just want to protect kids and shield them from the bad in the world. Kids, out of everyone, deserve to be happy.

Sun sextile Jupiter:

Things tend to work out for me, well, as of lately anyway. I struggled a lot growing up and I was always wishing my life were different. I couldn't wait to leave home. Now, I have a boyfriend who I love very much and we live very comfortably. I have a great job and I am so much happier than I was before. Of course, life isn't always perfect and there are problems at every turn. I wish I could go back in time and tell 15 year old me that everything is going to be okay, more than okay actually. I have a dog and two kittens who I love very much and I'm very fortunate to have the life that I do. I try to stay positive because there's no point in being negative and sulking all the time. Plus, you never know what can happen so be thankful for what you have, even if in your eyes, it isn't enough. I believe in being nice to people, you never know how far one act of kindness can go. Lord knows I needed it during some pretty tough times in my life.

Venus square Saturn (TW: Eating disorder, drug use, phobias):

Going back to having fear of abandonment and being uncomfortable with PDA... well here is the culprit. Or some of the culprit. Since Venus is in my 8th house, I feel like this aspect plays into my fear of my family dying, more specifically, my parents. Whenever I visit home and I see they look a little older, move a little slower, I get really sad. Their birthdays are supposed to be for celebrating but I can't help but get sad. It takes over me and I obsess about what I'm going to do when the day comes and they're not here anymore. I put on a brave face though and I buy them nice gifts and send flowers on holidays... but it's always in the back of my mind. This aspect also manifests as having low self esteem and growing up this was very prevalent. I didn't care about myself at all; I did drugs, I put myself into bad situations that I get anxiety just thinking about what could've happened. I had an eating disorder, dated boys that were awful. I'm fortunate that I made it out okay. I still have insecurities today but during that time in my life it was so intense because even as a teen without this aspect, you deal with insecurities. It was like double trouble.  

If you read this far, thank you. I hope it was semi-interesting and Im really curious to know what you guys think. Should I make a part 2? I’m feeling a little “out there” by posting this so I hope it's not too much. Thanks again for taking the time to read this.

(let me know what you think!)

[3grey-morals5]

hcs-scp/035&049🤩🤩🤩 (hc1)

uhh...idk I'm just putting shit here atp. Just kinda putting stuff down as I think abt/remember it. Please note this is a bit shippy, but it isnt like.. Dumbed down and cutesy. i try my best to give both chars a more mature and thoughtful feel - stay close to the scp aEsThEtIc of seriousness

THIS IS ALL MY IDEAS FOR IT. NO IT MAY NOT BE TRUE TO TH3 CANON.

-035

this pertains to the collection as a whole, but it's kinda like. There was a original 035 right. That was the jester/black lord consciousness, and it was alone until they left alagadda and the mask started having more hosts. Each new one added the consciousness of that host into the "hivemind" of other hosts.

Due to this system of consciousness , past memories from the other hosts and original, the BL(black lord not boy love) are sorta like a weird game of telephone. For example, the bl liked 049 in alagadda, and that got passed on- but through the different telling of stories the perception changed. So, they mostly recognize 049, but don't know why he's so important so they're left guessing.

smells interesting. Like those dried flower things that give of a nice smell but also to a point it's too sickly sweet or has a unpleasant after smell. Coupled with the hosts smell ofc, but the mask on its own smells like that and a bit earthy too. It's seems nice at first but the more you smell it the more it deteriorates into ...eugh.

This is kinda relevant more to my alagadda hcs, but explains the "goop" coming from them. In alagadda, ESPECIALLY in lords, their is a surplus of unwanted (or wanted, that will be gotten to in the future) humors. For example, the red lord has too much red humor(blood I beleive?) That overhauls all other emotions or humors into JUST mirth. They physically cant feel anything other than that. This goes for the Bl too, there was just so much black bile causing anguish that that was all they could feel. Thus, deteriorating them mentally and physically bc..I mean if you were in constant upset it would take a toll on you. How to fix this? Bloodletting! Er, BILE letting. It helps balance out the humors, to be able to feel more than just their assigned humor. Somehow in the transition from alagadda to the "real world" there was a constant flow able to break through the mask, thus 035 is able to switch emotions very fast and not dwell on just one. Well not more than a normal being would.

In constant mental turmoil due to contaiment,multitude of hosts, nature of said hosts, ect. Causes extreme mood swings, lashing out, psychotic behavior, ect. Like. Not even a headcanon really but they're actually insane. Prone to rash decisions that don't consider future repercussions, unhealthy attachments, Yada Yada Yada.

Moral compass is completely fucked but still tries to do what they pertain as GOOD. Leads to alottt of awkward situations with the staff bc like. Got a Lil dirty secret? Mask mf knows. And you know very well he WILL leak that shit like a furry fandom beware but with 10x more salt in the wound.

will lie withought shame. Not really a headcanon cause this is common knowledge but I just wanna push that this mf is NOT a truthful bitch. 100% a scam artist in a modern setting, and at one point swore up and down that they invented an idea or product just for the fun of seeing how far it could go.

fun fact: Dýo (THE Scp035) actually came up with the idea for the bicycle far before it's alleged creation? The mask states: "My dearest ------- is so slow in his gait! I beleived it would assist him in an easier - and if I may say, more amusing way of transport"

Alagadda related, but..haha. lord. Emo ass lord./pos Look at you all "cut my life into peices" and wearing all black with black hair and a black feather but still got that pale ass face like uve seen a ghost thrice in the last few seconds. In my version they're the youngest of the 4 and...certainly act like it. At least from the media, me being an only child I don't know what siblings are like.

Despite their very VERY disturbing looks, the bl is actually a fairly nice guy(keep in mind this is BEFORE all of the new hosts so it's just one conciousness). The most pessimistic guy you will ever meet, but still a nice one. The palace is dreary asf but is quiet and relatively easygoing as long as you follow some set rules. Anguish dosent like going out much, prefers to stay in doors and refuses all their fellow lords(mainly mirth) attempts to have them join in on the "fun" preferring to instead stay stuck in the past and wallow in self pity. The only way this was turned was at the start of the bile-letting by a doctor (049) and that gave him the actual capacity to feel other than anguish- growing fond of his "savior" and attempting to court him (eventually succeeding. They had a relatively good relationship before all went to shit) he still had alot of sadness, but was more active and lively much to the suprise of palacegoers and dismay of other lords - and of course, the ambassador.

There is much more I would like to add for 035, them being my favorite for...5 or so years now? Has given me plenty of thinking time to develop new ideas for them. I still have much left to say but this is getting upsettingly long and I wish to move onto 049. (Then for a treat, you may have some hcs of their relationship- the good and bad)

-049

Im not gonna assign mental illnesses or disabilities i know nothing about to characters, but there is certainly something going on here.

Began with small signs at childhood. Normally level headed but could snap at family and friends out of the blue, anxious behaviors, visions/illusions or whatever they're called, along with hearing voices and following impulse. They eventually were housed in solidarity by their parents out of worry for their child, (now around teenage) worsening their condition. Sometime during the start of the plauge, they were able to escape and made their way into society.

Really does think he's doing good! Like.. really is trying!! But it's not good at all!!! Primarily self taught with shit he finds around and learning from other doctors, which ahem, eventually are killed to use as patients when the mental instability sets in again and he starts to view them as sick or evil in some way. Not sanitary(obv) but even worse so because he is constantly mucking around in body pits trying to do something covered in rot and gross never changing, rarely eating..just a real sight.

Some way or another made it to alagadda. Yay? Something in the way the city feels is calming, and depresses his mind into a more manedgable and "normal" state where he is able to think clearly. The peak in his career where he learned the most, did the most good, and was a TRUE doctor.

Spent a lot of time in the library, then wandering around in very little free time usually giving remedies to townsfolk suffering from whatever ailments eith the supplies he had. Eventually supplies were sponsored by Anguish when they grew close, and he was able to make quite a name for himself within the citizen community. Retained humanity and compassion which was relatively new in the city, and that drew many in

All good must come to an end though, and being banished from alagadda back in the normal world (with 035 but he's not as important in this awesomesauce 049 discussion) did a huge number on his health and basically reset all the progress he made. Turning ..well, crazy, once again and running even more rampant with the new knowledge he learned. This is where he began actually being able to revive.

A very gentlemanly fellow on the outside but it's a whole fucking shitshow on the interior. It takes alot out of them to constantly stay in check(a skill he's learned with his years) but every once in a while it slips and he just bursts or goes into autopilot(not good either)

Very insecure and untrusting, and while looking a lot more sincere and well rounded/not impulsive like 035, he really isn't a polar opposite. Lil bro is anxious point and laugh at his dumbass.(relax snowflakes, I have diagnosed anxiety I can make this joke 🥰)

No I don't have as much stuff for 049 as 035, as I find him more tricky to write for and thus am spending more time trying to round out my perception of him. Anyways. Here's some cute and also sad 035x049 shit idfk it's almost 1 am I'm so tired of typing if you're actually reading this ily

-good!!!! During alagadda

was very one sided at first, mainly Anguish puppy dog eyes over his cool goth bird crush who LITTERALLY made him feel something other than anguish with procedures and all.

At last 049 (bless his heart he was so sheltered he dosent have much a grasp on the concept of love or whatevs) was like maybe this guy wanna be more than friends. Much to bls relief this attempt at courting bad been going on for far too long in his humble opinion.

Spend an ungodly amount of time together. Like enough to raise suspicion if they weren't extremely careful with all of it. If thus shit got out...(it did) it would be over for lovey dovey couple

Lots of time spent in the palace gardens...mmm grey lavender is such an appealing smell to experience while you're giggling shrouded by bushes trying to keep your relations with your first love hidden like Romeo and James or some shit. Anguish taught him to dance like the citizens at balls did, and it was very much appreciated - a big pass time of theirs. 049 still kinda has to sleep? Bl dosent, but he likes to just read silently while doc uses his much larger body as a pillow. (And maybe wake him up out of sheer boredom, much to docs dismay)

049 enjoys preening with the use of anguish 's bile as a sort of shampoo. It slides right off his feather and hair and takes all the little mites with him. In turn, doc will scratch places that are "hard to reach " can bl get them himself? Maybe. But he would much rather a professional do it.

Anguish was giddy at the start of their courting and would write poems at their anniversaries (one week, one month, 2 months, ect) doc would always try to read them but eventually would have to have bl read them due to the handwriting. At times bl couldn't even read what he scribbled down only hours earlier. These weren't a few stanzas either, these were LONGASS poems ok. He has alot of free time.

Physical touch is a blessing when you spend alot of you lives being seen as sickly and gross, so they usually will have some sort of contact. That is, if doc isn't in a sour mood and feeling extra prickly.

They sure as hell respect boundaries though. Bl knows the signs of a doc that isn't in the mood to get poked or messed with, and doc in turn sees when anguish isn't in the best mood to be given sass. He is always down to be poked and messed with but God forbid someone roll their eyes at him when he's almost enraged

-bad :(((((( after alagadda

Their worst traits feed of eachother. Bad.

Heh..I'm a fool guys....I like good relationship sm that I forgot to hc bad...oopsies. jk but not ill have them in the future but dawg it 1 30 am I wanna go to bed!!!

If there is errors in this I am very sorry. I am also very sleepy and aore and that is why there is errors. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS FAR ONG??? Hope u enjoyed. Adios :3

[quitealotofsodapop]

Watched some of LMK S5...

So my TMKATI idea of MK starting as a wee little chaos rock/eldritch abomination is looking more like accidental canon predicting.

Wondering how Nine Heads would be involved though - throwing the comet off course by a few eons perhaps?

Now I'm imagining Nüwa fixing up the pillar, giving the different major guardian gods the Heavenly Stones (I hc formed from all the life energies/dao of those lost in the Pillar's destruction, such as the original Stone Monkeys), and they ask her if she has a back-up plan in case the plan fails.

Nüwa: "Of course I do! See this clay rock?" The Guardians: "Yeah?" Nüwa: (*pitches rock into the sky like a sonic baseball*) Nüwa: "In a couple thousand years that rock will come back 'round with all the accumilated cosmic dao we'll need to mend the Pillars if they ever get broken again." Jade (Just Elected) Emperor: "Unorthodox. But nonetheless a good insurance plan." Nüwa, SWK-esque smirk: "He he! I know. I'm a genius."

Que a few millennia later. Sealing the life energy/magic inside the Heavenly Stones has an accidental side effect of subtlety draining magic from mortals and demons alike. The descendants of the humans born from Nüwa's clay figures (early Homo sapiens) + surviving pre-Flood hominids (Neanderthal, Denisovan, Erectus, Red Deer Cave etc) begin to be born without any magic at all. Only the lucky ones like Li Jing or those reincarnated from past celestial beings like Tang Sanzang have the chance of developing these skills.

Nine Heads: "This world of no wild chaos magic stinks. I want to kick things up a notch." (*sees The Harbinger's Comet, a literal conduit of Chaos and Life Magic*) Nine Heads: "I have an idea!" (*readies divine baseball bat*) (*Meanwhile in the Celestial Realm, the Jade Emperor is chilling and making some prophecies*) The Jade Emperor: "Ok, my succesor is going to be the Heavenly Master of the Dawn of Jade of the Golden Door - good, that hasn't changed. Great plague and unrest, don't need powers for that. Yada yada..." (*squints into ceremonial vessel) "...why is there a monkey my house???"

And of course this all leading to the events of "The Monkey King and the Infant" where the Jade Emperor learns about the Harbinger's Comet arriving early and freaks out - telling Wukong to "deal" with it.

Send me asks if you may <3

[lordofmelancholy]

mmmm had a cute timebomb thought

Cute thought

but what if everyones AU and such like every game you see people try and recreate them in like Sims Cyberpunk Elden Ring Life is strange yada yada, is basically all part of a massive Multi-universe AU thing where it’s just Ekko and Jinx AU hopping between various media and living out their lives.

Like it’s literally just Ekko and Jinx universe hopping and living out their best lives together in various places because their main one decided to be to cruel for them to handle and they just want a chance to live their lives together and enjoy the life they could have

while also enjoying the adventure and thrill that comes with it and yes even the danger because their together

so it’s basically a “we can’t be happy in our own world together, might as well find one where we can and learn to live and have fun together”

and basically everyone’s interpretation of them in various AU’s and such is literally just them in various timelines of specific AU’s where things have either minimally changed or heavily changed depending on specific circumstances like how it worked in the AU episode

They just jumping from universe to universe having fun enjoying themselves. Sure some worlds are more dangerous then others but at least their together and having fun and living a life not bound by the conflict of their own world

Like, them doing a crossover to other AU's and fanfic universes? Is really fucking cute when you think about it. Their world went wrong so much, and there's so much bad history and events there. Why not try again in another?

And also pretty intriguing too. There's so much potential.

Cute stuff of them building a house in the Sims for one, them going to fuck up Tyger Claws and Malestrom in another (Cyberpunk)

Ekko learning how to manipulate the Z-drive and help Max with her own powers (Life is Strange)

at the same time he tries to convince Jinx to not adopt the 'time wizard' and fails utterly in convincing her 'not to adopt the pope turtle.' (Elden Ring)

And then there's other stuff like them getting involved in various plots in those worlds, the struggles of making friends there yet leaving for another place because of any other reason, to even them taking others with them for some found family fluff, or whatever.

[kingofthewilderwest]

Do you see Gustav maturing in personality as he gets to Hiccup's age? Idk why but I really like the idea of Hiccup and Astrid becoming something like older sibling figures to him and giving him advice on life stuff as he grows up and becomes less annoying

Ey, Gustav love!

I think the world is wide open for Gustav. He's an obnoxious kid, but in a typical way. That's what makes him relatably annoying—we've all met someone like him. There's nothing extraordinarily delinquent about him, even if he's gotten into scrapes (Gone, Gustav, Gone)—but if you live on Berk, everyone has gone through a scrape or nine hundred. All that to say: There's nothing preventing him from maturing normally, and I imagine he will, even if I hope he keeps that spunk with him. :P

Gustav, a little bit older, still with spunk (older teens is still teens... gonna act with fearless teen spirit), but with just enough more responsibility to fly off on dragons to places, and Hiccup and the gang accept and work with that? Yeah, sure, I'm up for that. I imagine there will be an adventure or two, minimum, where they pair up with him. And then the headcanon is all yours for how much Hiccup and friends interact with Gustav in said era.

Gustav has been on the "cusp" of being a "second generation" Dragon Rider for years, between DOB and RTTE. I'd like to think that he gets there, whether or not it's in close connection to Hiccup and crew. Personally, if I can insert my own biases / headcanons, I like to imagine this period not just with him, but a few in his cohort. The HTTYD books give us Adelaide, Snotlout's sister, and I've always liked the idea of putting Adelaide into the DreamWorks world and making her Gustav's age. Berk should have a ton of kids, based on how population pyramids works, so I'd like to imagine that, for as long as Berk has dragons [tosses THW aside for a second], there's gaggles of teenagers that grow through the stage of hanging out and riding together. That's what teens do. And Gustav, just a little younger than Hiccup and crowd, is prime material to be that "second wave" of hanging-out-with-dragons-teens. And then THW ends that bracket pretty short, yada yada yada, but Gustav would've been in that window anyway.

I like the idea best of Gustav being able to have more productive moments with Snotlout. Snotlout was the start of it. And Snotlout's the one who I think could connect and relate to Gustav the most. It's not that Hiccup doesn't understand brash, impulsive behavior, bwahahaha. But I think Snotlout and Gustav are closer in where their insecurities and youthful weaknesses lie; Snotlout is someone who did a lot of maturation and being able to talk about his feelings; and ergo Snotlout is prime material to have a conversation with Gustav or two if the situation arises organically. Even if we never get a heart-to-heart, Snotlout knowing how to direct Gustav in positive directions would be cool.

I personally don't imagine Gustav as a special adoptee to the dragon riding gang, especially because, by the time Hiccup and his friends leave the Edge and funnel their energy into their pre-HTTYD 2 and post-HTTYD 2 activities, they're not going to have the mindset they did at the Edge. There's different responsibilities and priorities. Especially once Hiccup becomes chief, that group of friends may not have the same carefree hangout vibe, even if they're still young enough to have it in spades of energy.

So that could mess with where I imagine Gustav will be in his own path, interests, and time-spending. But even my perspective there doesn't have to contrast anything with your headcanoning of them taking him on (and my opinion is more-than-ignorable anyways rotflh). There's nothing saying changing times and changing perspectives separate people from giving a mentor-mentee role. Sometimes that's what spawns it. However you want to swing it, you can swing it hard and easily for the idea that the dragon riding gang ends up treating him like that younger brother. It's a wholesome idea, worth talking about and loving. Give Gustav some love, y'alls. XD I like where you've taken it!

For me? I love imagining that Gustav is twenty-five, acts like a twenty-five year old, but he maintains that Gustav Energy where Hiccup and Gang are like, "Oh my goodness, brace yourselves, it's Gustav." ROTFLH. Gloriously annoying to the end, my beloved!

[izelthewashbear]

Good news: we finally know why c!Martyn fell off between his win in Limited life, and then his recent placements in Secret life and Wild life!

Bad news: Not angsty enough.

Worry not, for I have already thought of three (3) alternative reasons for why Martyn fell off the way he did!

(disclaimer: this post is NOT meant to signify that Eyes and Ears is a bad AU by any means. I respect the decisions that Martyn makes (as much as I wanna toss this man into a wall sometimes), but I decided to give this one thing my own little spin, since I've already been thinking about it for a while. Enjoy!)

These headcanons are placed in a particular order: 1 fits pretty well into EaE AU and technically could be canon if Martyn likes it ig?, 2 is a pretty neutral one that could fit into any AU or interpretation (+ is the closest one to what Martyn said on his lore stream, but a little different) and 3 is one I personally use in my own AU, called Preservers AU, or The ones who watch, the ones who listen, the ones who kill AU (WLK for short).

1. Martyn got fucked up the same way Cleo and Pearl did in Double life.

While doing research into EaE and watching Limited Life lore stream a while back, one particular thing caught my attention. As you may remember, in session 6, Cleo and Pearl were absent and Gem and Lizzie came to fill in for them. I really liked what Martyn lored there - the idea that Double Life messed up with them so much (especially Pearl, but Cleo too) that even after "resting" in the eternal fuckass void that the Watchers throw them into (the void has no name, so may I propose the name I use in my own AU - The Midway, as in the middle of the way between different worlds) they weren't quite in the right mindset to enter the games again - hence, for example, Pearl talking about Tilly in ep 1 of LimL. So, their souls got snached by the Watchers, threw into the void like into a microwave when you need to heat up your food for just a minute longer, and their conciousnesses were replaced with Gem and Lizze's.

And what if the same should've happened to Martyn?

Let's be honest, winning this series messes everyone up, especially if it ends by you backstabbing the only person who was nice to you the whole season (+ some random guy who just happened to be too close to your sword). Especially if we take into account the interpretation that Martyn got briefly possessed by the Watchers as he killed them ("time is delicious" yada yada yada, we know what you are sir). I can totally believe that this win messed with him enough that at the beginning of Secret life, he was still a bit woozy, a bit disjointed. That would explain him being the first yellow, first red, as well as ending up in the bottom half of the leaderboard for the first time. Funny how he was still the only person to never fail a task, I guess even when fucked up by the Watchers he still has his 300 IQ.

But why didn't the Watchers snatch him during Secret life and put him back into the aforementioned void? Cuz they like torturing him too much and they were like "naaaaaah he'll be fineeee" (he wasn't). Or, they wanted to, but they accidentally snatched the wrong blond guy (aka Tango) (just like in Wild life, they mixed up their blondes again and got Martyn killed before Jimmy).

2. The nihilism route

Martyn's explanation during the lore stream was that c!Martyn, after he won, stopped caring about his performance and decided to chill out a bit, hence him doing worse and worse each subsequent season. But c'mon dude, where's the angst? So I propose a slightly changed version.

You go through four painful, draining, exhausting death games. Each time you die too early to reach your goal. You see your friends die, and you die painfully as well. Until one day, it happens. You win, you kill everyone. You're ecstatic, now you can fix everything, free everyone, change everyone's fate and be free-

And then you're tossed into a new game. All your happy murder time didn't matter. You're right back where you started. Not to mention, the one you were fighting for isn't around, still. So what do you do? Wallow in sorrow, of course! You're all stuck and you're all fucked! There is no escape! Nothing matters! (/neg)

So yeah what Martyn said but make it sadder

3. The Watchers hate you, personally (spoilers for my AU! + if it sounds stupid out of context I'm sorry)

(TW for body horror, oops)

So I'm no stranger to writing horrible fates to characters I really like (and unfortunately that includes c!Martyn, this guy is just too fun to mangle repeatedly). In my AU, after a win, each player is granted a singular wish from the Watchers - and that wish is twisted into a sick version, making up the new game. WLK!Martyn, the nosey bastard he is, asked to know everything about the Watchers - all their secrets, all their knowledge, how to defeat them. Watchers said "bet" and in return, gouged out his eye and replaced it with their own, "lending" him some of their powers (with the side effects being migraines, insomnia, being flashed with horrifying visions, throbbing pains in half of his skull and falling off in general). So uh yeah, guy that loses an eye in such a fashion and doesn't have any time to recover will probably have a hard time placing high again.

It could also be made into a non-WLK version where the Watchers mangled him in some other way. Sorry Listeners but you can't save your boy from that, he too far gone

So I hope you liked my little ramble! If you have any of your own ideas, interpretations or even questions lemme know, I love loring and I wanna outlore the lore guy one day :3

[dearweirdme]

I'll preface this by saying that I am not, have never been, a jikooker, coz I don't want anyone to go all rambo on my ass...sigh...here it goes... I HATE this. I so wish I had never come across this coz I really, truly hate this. Idgaf that jk isn't dating jm coz atp they are more stuck together than any other ship in whole k-pop world rn. They did a show exclusive for them before enlistment, enlisted together, came back and went straight ahead into another thing together (whatsoever it is). No other bts duo has had as much exclusive screen time as them. And not just screen time, time outside of work as well. I had hoped for atleast a miniscule taekook update, now that they are back, but all I can see literally anywhere, all anyone is talking about is jikk. Tae has stopped talking about jk, jk is giggling in jm's tiktok when everyone of us here was thinking that they aren't even in the same country.

Now I know what everyone will say to me, "we can't expect anything from them..yada yada" but I didnt expect this either. I wish I was brain dead enough to be a jikkr. Life would be all sunshine and rainbows rn 😭😭😭😭😭. I don't think I can handle one more episode of that godawful perpetually on honeymoon couple narrative show. No wonder tae has distanced himself from this. Atp it doesn't even feel like he needs to stop himself from talking/posting about jk coz he's not even with jk enough now.

Someone here was talking about taekook moving together. I think at the rate things are going, we'll sooner get the news that jimin has moved in with jk and given his apartment to daeun and her dog.

I remember so many tkkrs saying that post enlistment period will be like solo era 2.0. If it's solo era 2.0, then it's definitely solo era in the upside down.

This is not what I had expected. At all. Atp I am getting more happiness coz of Yoongi than the reason I have stayed with bts for this long. Even if they have tae or every other member with them on the show this time, I won't be watching whatever this is this time. I'd rather go stare at the trees in my yard.

Hi anon!

I’m guessing many feel similar to you. I think it’s important to realize that this is still only a few weeks in. There’s no way of telling what Jk and Tae are gonna be like from now. We haven’t seen them much. For me it’s always been clear what Jkk is. Jm and Jk are good friends, who also work together and get paired up for content a lot! That’s probably not going to change much to be honest. I think we’ll keep seeing them together often because in the end it is profitable. Tae and Jk have always been more private. So we just don’t get these things the way Jkkrs do. Personally, I’d also rather not. I mean.. I loved Tae in AYS, but I’d absolutely rather have them stay private and protect their peace.

Who knows what things will look like a week from now. Jk and Tae could be spotted somewhere together in a day or so and all our thoughts will have changed again.

[whosafraidofmarklee]

crosswalks in my mind are shaky, so please hold on tight

pairings: sungchan x yn genre: angst.... missed chances.... all the works...yada yada... wc: 1565 words summary: sungchan writes a letter to YN, reflecting on their relationship and what could have been.

Dear YN,

I am sitting here at your favourite bench by the park that we used to walk in daily 10 years ago. All I can hear now is the shrilling drills of construction because they are repurposing this space for something else. I can hear your voice — or at least, the memorised voice of you in my head — bemoaning the construction if you were here, and how you’d threaten to write to the authorities to stop this construction from going ahead. And I'd sit here and listen to you, like I always do. No matter how ridiculous you sounded. If they keep changing this park, will our memories fade with it or will the stain on this bench from your orange juice 9 years ago still conjure the same you that I fell in love with? 

You chose this bench because it is right next to a bright red postbox. “That way you’ll never get lost when finding me here. Oh, and I like red.” Yes. It was your favourite colour but you did not have to tell me because everything you owned was the shade of crimson that flooded my cheeks whenever you were even an inch closer to me. And now I am writing this letter, next to your chosen postbox, 10 years down the road, addressing you in hopes of letting you know how I truly felt. Whether I will end up dropping this piece of paper into the slot, is another question altogether.

When you called me a few months back, I left an important meeting just to hear the inflection in your voice again. The same old voice that reverberated my very being, but with a tinge of maturity that kept me on the edge. You called me to invite me to your wedding. “Oh, congratulations.” was all I remembered saying. Honestly, I did not know what else I was expecting to hear from you, given that we’ve not spoken in over a year. Was I expecting you to tell me that you wanted to rewind back to 8 years ago and that you saw the spark in my eye that one night we were out here, sitting on this bench? Or that you missed the irritating way that my voice’s pitch changed when I am talking to you? I told you that I could not make it for the wedding because there’s an important meeting keeping me in town. I did not tell you that it was because I could not bear to watch you look at Anton today, up in that altar, with the same glistening sheen of your eyes that you once looked at me with. With that same smile that I see everywhere around me now: in the seashells, in the park bends, and in the curve of a tree branch. While you walk down that altar, I pace around this rerouted park, my paths endlessly blocked by stupid red tape. And there is no one else to blame here but me.

“Walking is poetic,” you told me. That was how we came to our daily walking ritual back when our lives revolved around crack of dawn lectures and midnight trances from energy drinks. “It’ll help with your writing, I promise you.” I had to go. Not because I was a subpar creative writing major with a waning motivation for my art, but because it was you. I did not realise it then, but all the words typed out or scrawled over those 4 years were driven by you. You hid in between the letters, weaving in and out of it, barely escaping the grasp I tried to have over you through my sentence construction. And so we walked. We walked when the orange glow of the sun landed on your face, so goddess-like, it made my speech stutter; we walked when the world offered us nothing but muddied yellow; we walked when we had to wear snow boots to prevent the snow from seeping into our already frost-bitten feet; and we walked when the flowers were gesturing their first salutation to the earth. Only through our walking did I know that you always wore shoes a size bigger than usual so that you would not get blisters. I knew that to match your pace meant walking less than half of my average speed, in hopes that our synced up footsteps meant that your heartbeat could sync up with mine. Yes, walking was poetic, if poetic meant that I got to pass the doomed ticking of the clock with my memorisation of you. 

I should have told you that night, and I know that you can identify exactly which night I am talking about because I still remember the way your eyebrows softened. How your eyes were brimming with affection that could not be anything short of love. It was 11pm. We had an assignment due the following day. You needed a break and I could not say no to you. And so we went. When it would usually be the flickering washed-out white streetlights caressing your face, that night, it was the rainbow fluorescent lights carelessly hung around the travelling fair. I can still feel the stickiness of your fingers from the overpriced caramel popcorn we got, clinging into the very fabric of my palm, infusing you into me. We never ended up taking any of the rides, of course. But we walked, we laboured through because that was the only thing we were good at. We eventually found ourselves on this bench, staring out onto the silhouette of the fair as distant laughter and chatter choked up the silence between us. 

None of us said anything for a long time. But when I glanced at you from the corner of my eyes, you were already looking at me. And that was when I saw it, I saw my own visage carved out in the shape of your pupil. There were no words needed because it took us all those steps over the years to get us to where we are. Our love was encased in our silly daily ritual. What are rituals anyways, if not to devote ourselves to a higher being, in the same way my body devoted itself to yours throughout all those nights. God, Y/N. For a writer, I was inept at finding the words to tell you how I feel; would you have said yes if I had spewed inarticulate jargon and carefully wrapped it in the paper of ‘I wish we never had to stop walking’? 

It has been years and I see you in the brief flicker of cheap string lights; I hear you in the constant whirring of the airvent right above my desk; I feel your warmth even in the bustling 5pm crowd back home. You made me feel bigger than myself, that all those times we were walking were leading us to a destination, a destination where I found who I was as writer, and subsequently, who I was to you and myself. All our superfluous teenage tears culminated in our hope for a future for ourselves, and I always assumed that that future consisted of me and you. After all, how lucky was I to have found someone that made me want to be a good person? It is an ineffable kind of ache to want to surpass oneself, to make oneself seem shockingly visible as a declaration of wanting to be loved. I wanted to dominate all the headlines, to become a world-renowned philanthropist, to solve a decades-long crisis to profess and convince you: look at how you made me feel. Your love changed me, inside and out. It is a blessing to wake up everyday, knowing someone out there believes in you, like how you believed in me. 

It eludes me how we ended up walking away from each other after our solidified ritual. I will admit, sometimes I come to this bench praying that you will emerge from the mass of strangers. I think a part of me still completes this route everyday, in hopes that you would appear one of these days. Or perhaps this was a ritual of death after all, and my — our — continuous walk was a meditation toward the sobering fact that you were to fade away simply because I could not conjure the words to get you to continue orbiting with and within me. That was a failure on my end, and it is my punishment to watch our cosmology become one of many in the wider galaxy. To watch it slowly become absorbed into a black hole we were warned of since its conception, but refused to do anything to save ourselves from it. I will atone this for as long as I live. There is no use harping on failure. I should have told you how I felt about you that night, and that is final.

Maybe life would have been different for us if I did. A million anagrams left to be rearranged into three simple words. 

I am sorry, and I hope that you are happy. 

Please, be happy. 

There is nothing left for us now in this ever-changing place anyway.

Sincerely,

Your Sungchan

—

He slid the letter into a maroon envelope and dropped it into the postbox; it was missing a stamp and unaddressed.

He turned and walked away.

[ghousttm]

no cuz like -

just WHAT is the nature of these crystals from Blackrock?

How do they effect the user? What makes phighters that use a crystal different from any other?

These questions occured to me when i wanted to rethink my phighting OC, Paths, after i actually found info about and looked into the lore of Phighting (I prioritized making a phighting oc of a gear i actually remember and fondly used. Coil used to be one but.. well- im not challenging the devs they did so much better than what i had in mind.)

mainly my info is sourced from these videos (by TheNamelessAccount) (by manta_mari) thank youuuuu :33

originally, my idea was that Paths was able to generate paths because they owned a crystal. And they're like a shows-person like The Flipside or whatever. I didn't rlly think much for them at all bc i didn't want to set anything in stone without knowing any of the source lore

After knowing what little lore about phighting crystals, i was ready to implement it to Paths until i wondered - does the crystal REALLY make her paths?

First off, every Demon in Inpherno spawns already with their gears and basic knowledge in how to use them

Second, pretty sure not just anybody can have access to it!! There's only one, and the only one's who we know has access to it currently is Subspace

Third - i dont even think materializing is something the crystals do.

but enough about my oc - heres one things about the crystals i noticed.

The way to use a crystal is smth smth yada Horn smth smth idk the fuckinf words leave me alone

: The two phigters we know has a piece of the crystal is Subspace, Medkit and Coil.

For the first two, it being that shiny thingay between their horns.. its cool that Medkit's is shaped like a diamond while subspace's is like a star, and those being the shapes recurring in their design.

I cant tell if the crystal shard has ALWAYS had that form.. (it'll be especially interesting of Subs' shard was always like that) if Subs' was modified, or if they just overtime morph to the shape befitting its user.

(coil art by EasternightF on Twitterx)

for Coil, it being a shard between the bump on his right horn! If you look at the other coil colors, you'll see that it's actually a blue-ish / gray chunk lodged into his color-changing horn

semi unrelated but - what if it doesnt work on his left horn bc his left horn isn't REALLY his horn..? its just a prosthetic decoration so he doesnt stand out.. i mean if it IS his horn, it should've changed colors with his gear shouldn't it...? or maybe im looking too much into it idk. His bandage and clothing change colors too so 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

And the Biographs technically doesnt count? the crystal is used as its core and im pretty sure the horns are only accessory to make them look more demonoid

i THINK the crystals work by concentrating the summed power/effect of its user's gear? If we're thinking that their ultimates are the result of the crystal's enhancing and thats ONLY what it does

If not, they also enhance by giving buffs to both its user and their surrounding(s) probably. But also idk much abt any of the phighters' abilities.. and also, again, Biograph.

i want your guys' thoughts on trhis......

i rlly wunna finally be satisfied with Paths but before designing her i rlly want to get at least some part of her lore figured out and for that i feel like i have to figure out the crystal thing too decide everything else 😭 (among other things like what even IS their gear...)

eurgghh brain dead.... I'll come babck to. this........ skmetime idk....

Definitions of everything lore i talked abt

(1) Demon: the species all the horned humanoids in Phighting lore is called. Has nothing to do with biblical demons (yet)

(2) Inpherno: the place(country? world?) Phighting takes place in. It contains The Crossroads and the Four Factions. Very big and large (pause. -dont say it.)

[wander-wren]

almost escaped the anti-ao3 posts this donation round but of course today i get smacked with a few, so i go hunting for this year’s arguments, which, as expected, touch a lot on palestine.

what i’m seeing here is a shitton of inflammatory language and very few sources, and even fewer sources that aren’t screenshots of That One Tweet. most of the arguments from both sides are made on things that aren’t entirely true. i dislike this. so let’s clear the air a bit, hm?

1) ao3 is a racist/zionist organization

ao3 has had its scandals, including the 2023 management scandal in its full glory, which you can read about at the linked fanlore article. that covers several different areas where ao3 messed up. i will not defend these instances. i will, however, point out that very few of the current anti-ao3 posts mention them.

additionally, there is this fanlore article specifically about the issue wherein a volunteer was told to remove “from the river to the sea, palestine will be free” from their status, which is the singular piece of evidence referenced for ao3’s zionism. it has been spread that the otw banned or kicked out this volunteer, which is untrue; they left voluntarily. the otw also offered to allow the volunteer in question to change the status to “i stand with palestine,” communicating the same message in a less polarizing way.

you are allowed to dislike this decision. i do. but the otw slack is first and foremost a professional space, and they are within their rights to ask for political discussion to be kept out—or, in this case, to a politics channel so it can be opted out of. i am not currently aware of anyone having asked the otw board to ban or otherwise address pro-israel sentiments in the slack server, so i cannot actually make any statements about unequal decisions, because those decisions were not made.

ultimately i do not disagree that otw/ao3 have made poor choices rooted in racism in the past, but i also believe many of these posts discussing it now are performative, inflammatory, and misleading, which is not helpful

2) donating to ao3 during a genocide is bad/selfish/racist/etc

there are always problems in the world. this is literally the same argument as every previous year with new paint on it. people can care about more than one thing.

3) ao3 is a scam/mismanages money/gets more than they need/is horrible for not paying volunteers

here is a post i made last year breaking down ao3’s budget. what’s funny is, i saw a post going on for paragraphs about how they “calculated” that ao3 has 2.8 million in reserves (assuming their 2023 numbers shook out, it is like $1.5 million at best. these numbers are public and easy to find) and that they have “no idea” what to do with it and are deliberately not being transparent about it (they have publicly stated in news posts exactly what that money is for).

one very confusingly-worded post seemed to argue that it is morally wrong to have volunteer library workers, which is the same as ao3? something about master’s degrees? i just thought that was funny because. like. what. do you think the volunteers are the ones with a master’s in library science, friend?

also, people have said it’s a scam because they don’t update the site, and i’m like….what do you want them to update, exactly? i just want more tags wrangled. i suppose that translates to me wanting an update on the servers or whatever bit of hardware is limiting the tag system. otherwise i don’t see why you have to fix a good thing.

4) ao3 hosts evil bad fanfiction

ah, the age-old “child porn” argument. or racism is a big one this year. do i have to get into this one? it’s so goddamn annoying. just read the about page or a wiki article with your eyes. anti-censorship. yada yada yada. also, if you use the phrase “child porn” i do not respect you or take you seriously.

okay, first of all, fanfiction does not meet the definition of csam. it’s fanfiction. it’s fiction. there are tags for a reason. none of it is illegal. most of it has been published in real books for money before. you can hate it, but it deserves to exist, and with the way explicit material is getting deleted off the internet (see: wattpad’s new policies, google drive’s new policies), ao3 is a last bastion in the storm.

5) you should check out end-otw-racism for more helpful info

honestly i thought this movement was dead by now, but i’ve seen a lot of it mentioned today so i went to check. some things i found, scrolling alllll the way back to august:

a pinned post from SEVEN months ago that is several paragraphs of back-patting from the mods about how much “work” and “goals” have been accomplished and how grateful they are to the community. no mention whatsoever of what those goals were or what specifically was accomplished. also says the mods are going on break for a while, which presumably is still in effect

a few posts about the otw’s board meetings for various months, each rehashing how a board meeting runs and when the next one is being held. no information about what questions or comments the organization wants to focus on for each meeting or specific actions supporters should take

post about substack being a nazi site now (this is the only post i fully respect)

more board meeting reminders of no substance

a post reviewing the board elections, going over each candidate. the post acknowledges that no candidates mentioned the campaign or its specific goals, and instead grasps at vaguely related topics as if to show the volunteers are listening to them and they have done something

more board meeting reminders

a post about an update to the board’s strategic plan for 2023, which also acknowledges that the update does not really do anything end-otw-racism wanted it to do. many instances of “could have been a great opportunity to” do what they wanted. this one DOES finally state eotwr’s “recommendations” for the next strategic plan update, which literally all boil down to “more transparency,” which i suppose is fair enough

absolutely NO mention of palestine whatsoever

post on the weibo scandal, which is fine but generic, and again, not something brought up ever again despite being made in AUGUST

here i will give you a reminder that some of eotwr’s goals, particularly the ones around moderation and censorship, were unrealistic given the otw’s mission. while i believe eotwr started with good intentions, it seems to have rapidly dissolved into something performative and did not have solid enough organization to actually make any difference. their silence on palestine (and they are still posting despite the “break”) also makes bringing them up in convos about otw’s potential zionist leanings very weird.

at the end of the day, support ao3 or don’t. your morals and reasonings are your own. just don’t lie about them in ways that can be easily disproved, mkay?

this discourse also made me realize it’s been a minute since i reblogged a proper donations masterpost for palestine, so i am on the hunt for a good, up-to-date one now. feel free to link me any you know of.